The Human Man Story Three and a Half
by thehumanman
Summary: In this Book you'll be reading a story on the perspective of Man Bat! Will he cross over paths with the Human Man? Will these two Titans clash? Will Man Bat find a way to save people for once? Read to find out!


The Human Man Part 4.0 – 0.5 + 1 – 1 = 3.5

Chapter 1 The untold Story

The streets were clear, no one was around, not even the Bad Guys. There was a slight smell of some very smelly shat in the air. This could only mean one thing: The Human Man must've ran out of a door shouting 'Waheyyyyyy' and shat himself at the sight of zombimans.

The world wasn't always like this, and The Human Man running out of the door only to find that the world had been turned infected has NOTHING to do with Resident evil whatsoever.

A year before this incident there was a certain Bio-organization called Brolly which was located deep underground, underneath the city of Koala city. This organization focused on creating bio-organic weapons. BUT something went horribly WRONG *GASP*.

There was an outbreak of things that most would call 'zombies'…but that's too mainstream so everyone called them zombimans instead because it sounds muuuch more cooler that 'zombies' FEH!

Soon the world began to become infected with the deadly virus, known as the 'Oh shit-virus'. Not a single soul was left alive, not even the entire police force.

There was a shadow in an alley, was it a good guy, or a bad guys? Nobody kno—Oh wait it stepped into the light…IT's MAN BAT!

'This world has gone to sh*t' screamed Man Bat passionately. Unfortunately a hoard of zombimans heard his erotic scream and decided to go over to where his voice originated. 'Sh*t, how did they know that I was here' shouted Man Bat as he questioned his situation 'ugh, it's just too bad Alfreddy was turned infected or I'd be sitting in the Cave Bat not giving a f*ck'

As Man Bat was raving his head off, a shadow appeared from a shopping trolley 'F*ck you' said the shadow. 'HOLY SHAT, IT'S LEE OLDCUM!' Shouted Man Bat.

Chapter 2 Man Bat's revenge!

It had been 2 days since Man Bat's Chat with Lee Oldcum and Man Bat needed a big Fat….Wedge of cheese to eat cuz he was starvin', had da munchies init skid. As he reached into his pants, he pulled out the wrong type of cheese and chomped down on it 'OWW F*CK' said a little gay boiiii voice.

Man Bat looked confused :/ In his hand was a penise so when he chomped down it should've hurt him right? But this wasn't his penise *Gasp* This was far too big, it was like 1 inch or something I dunno. Man Bat tugged, and tugged HARD Awww yeah, and out popped a little gay Buff.

'why were you hiding in my pants, you little slut!?' shouted Man Bat. 'I thought it was a cave' said the little Buff Gay buff big buff bitch. 'what a knob' said the Man Bat and he threw the little Buffs penise to the wall in anger 'Take that crime!' shouted Man Bat.

SUDDENLY THE HOARD OF ZOMBIMANS CAUGHT UP TO MAN BAT! 'Poop' said Man Bat so he headed to the nearest cemetery for safety. But to everyones surprise the dead people in the graves were rising up, who would've thought eh?

Man Bat quickly made for the church 'Huff Puff' said Man Bat as he walked over to the church doors. As he opened the doors he saw that alllll the priests were…playing twister together ahh mate.

Meanwhile the zombimans were banging on the door to the church with their rather large hands and urrrr feet.

The church was beginning to crumble…Was this the end of Man Bat?

Could he have finally met his match?

Of course not!

Chapter 3 The younger they are…

There was a 15 year old Zombiman child outside the window of the church.

One of the priests started to sweat all over his 60 year old wrinkly face ewwwww RANK!

Man Bat noticed this, and said 'Go get 'em tiger *growl*' The priest thought that he should do what Man Bat said, after all, Man Bat was a hero who saved 5 peoples lives, 4 being cats stuck up a tree, the other being The Human Man when he was waging an epic battle against Dr Man Freeze which lasted for a staggering 37.2 seconds.

The stupid old man priest opened the church window with a remote control stashed up his skirt and a whole hoard of Zombimans poured through the window! 'oops' said Man Bat. 'F*ck you in HELLL B*TCH' Shouted the priest as he was being gang-f*cked by a bunch of Zombiman childs with an age range of 1-15. 'soz, mate' said Man Bat as he apologised. 'No probs sexy' said the Man Priest 'NARRRGH!' The man priest was eaten.

Man Bat was on his Bruce again (because Todd and Bill was not his name), he casually walked outta the church with a sinister grin on his face, but then he remembered he was a good guys so he wiped off the grin and replaced it with a sunny smile

The world looked even more bleak than before, Man Bat surviving the Dawn of the Zombimans must've been luck, he was a lucky f*ck. Now there really was no sight of anyone, Man Bat triple checked his pants for any more little gay buff mans penises to eat but found nothing but a sandwich, a ham 'n' tuna sandwich, He ate it then began to cry as he realised he shat in his pants before thus infecting the sammich and giving it an extra filling: shat. This caused a time paradox in which the Man Bat was transported to another dimension in which he bumped into Iron Man Man, Tony Sparks, and murdered him. Then was instantly transported back to eating his Ham 'n' Tuna 'n' Shat sandwich as if nothing happened. He took out a napkin and wiped his tears away.

Chapter 4 A way to beat the infection!

To his surprise the napkin had some words written on it :D It said 'Dry Clean only' D: Man Bat took a huge dump on the napkin in frustration. But then he noticed something rather….disgusting. To his surprise he noticed that the Zombimans were eating his shat, then dying 2 seconds later *o* Man Bat Clicked his fingers 'OF COURSE, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!' He got in his Bat-mo-car which was parked outside the cemetery and drove all the way to his secret Cave Bat, located in China where his butler Tee Tao (not to be mistaken for Tea towel) tended to his ever 'need'

'I've found a way to beat the infection!' screamed Man Bat. 'oh What iz it then ya f*cking dopey Sh*t' Said Tea Towel. 'I'll just wait out the infection until help arrives!' screamed Man Bat, he was starting to get a really big hard-on in his pants but Tea towel could deal with that if you catch my drift *wink*.

Days past and the infection was still going it seemed :/

Could the human Man-race be doomed for all eternity?

Could the Zombimans take over the world?

Where the hell is Chucky Chong?

Find out next time in DIE HARDMAN 4.0

Messages from the fans :D

Zack: What the fuck did I just Read?

Wendy: The fuck…I don't even…

Ryan: My god I think I lost about 10 IQ points

Justin Bieber: mmmmmm shit mmmmm

Residentevilnerd110: Isn't brolly just another word for Umbrella? And Koala city is just a rip-off Racoon city?

Josh: This is the best book ever!

Dom: Great Series!

Message from the author

We thank you for all your support during these tough times, it's not easy coming up with a great story but hey, some of us have just got 'it' heh heh heh.

OKAY WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS CRAP!? This makes no sense and is just a blatant rip-off Resident evil! God If I could shoot myself I bloody would, knowing that there are people stupid enough to come up with this sort of CRAP!You don't even listen to the fans! You introduce a character then that character isn't ever mentioned, it's like if I were to appear then—

He was assassinated…

Get your $5 gift voucher when you spend more than $2,000 on Toilet roll, only at PC world, terms and conditions don't apply.


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